Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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