HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
