no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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