I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sober January is a disaster.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
