Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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