she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
