you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
