I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
