I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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