My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
