Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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