Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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