when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
