he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
