so that wasnt chicken after all
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
