Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
