So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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