all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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