ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
