you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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