how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
