Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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