she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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