He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
