Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
