My balls are so social today.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
