I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My balls are so social today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
