Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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