Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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