oh god the rape fog is back!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
