its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
