Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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