So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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