Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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