dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
