we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
