They should really pass out barf bags in church
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
