I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
