So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
