I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
