those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He passed out mid-signature
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
