My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
