I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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