Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
