theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
