the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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