Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
