don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
