anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
