i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
