I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
