Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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