haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
