one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
