I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
