i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
