if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They took my balls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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