he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
