$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
