Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
