You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
