finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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