hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
