ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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