i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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