She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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