Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
