mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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