It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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