Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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