We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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