Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
false alarm. still invincible.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
