I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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