Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
