Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My life is pants optional.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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