he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
