I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
