i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
